i made my uber driver cry the other day

​I made my Uber driver cry the other day. I really didn’t mean to.
 
I seem to have a superpower where, if I look at someone, they will tell me things about themselves that are private or painful. And sometimes they burst into tears. I am reminded of Spiderman: with great power comes great responsibility. This often feels like a gift, but occasionally, like when I make my Uber driver cry, it can feel like a curse.
 
I love talking to drivers. They are often nice and hard-working people, and many are from other countries, which gives me an opportunity to learn about other places and cultures. And sometimes foods! For example, I recently learned about a root vegetable often used in African cooking that I was not familiar with.
 
The other day, I was on my way to the train station to give a talk in NYC, and my driver was a lovely man from the Dominican Republic, or the DR. He didn’t speak English well, so I was excited to be able to practice my Spanish. We chatted about his work outside of driving, what he likes about the DR, and his children, who are in the US and the DR. I asked when he was going to be able to visit the DR next, and he burst into tears. Not trickle-down-your-cheeks tears but full-out sobbing. I felt so awful, and I apologized. And he was embarrassed, apologizing.
 
I obviously had touched a painful nerve, and as I sat there feeling so bad and trying to help him feel ok about his reaction, I was once again reminded that we are all walking around in pain. We all have some level of pain or grief that we are living with. We may generally feel ok and smile, but if you touch a nerve or ask the right question, you will find that we all have pain.
 
If you touched my nerve, I would tell you about how my father has Alzheimer’s. Much of him is now gone, at least much of what makes him my father.  My dad is still here, and I can interact and talk with him, and he knows who I am, but I walk around under this cloud of grief that I am not sure how to process. If you touch my husband’s nerve, he might tell you about his brother’s death or cut-offs in his family.
 
What would someone hear if you told them about your pain?
 
Use this reminder to realize that we all suffer, and we are all human. Be kind to others, and try to give them grace and the benefit of the doubt. And when you can, smile and offer your attention and listening. Our attention and caring are our best gifts.